board77

There have been days I didn't check it, but it's been at least a week since I checked it with any hope of seeing anything meaningful.

It's a ghost town in all the places I used to go.

I'm also pretty sure that Jonathan, Ted, and anyone else they have there still, have long since decided not to speak to (at least) me again.

The most communication I've gotten from Jonathan since he said "You're banned, we're not going to change that" was him cc'ing me on an email to Lidless... how demeaning is that?

I won't talk to you, but I'll talk to the guy that's been banned since December...

(no offense, Steve )

Hal, if you've given up then just heal.

But if you want you could just try and send Jonathan a simple email saying 'I'd still like to talk about this, and if we do not find a way to solve this and compromise, then at least I would wish to part from TORC with respect on both sides.' Period. You know, like that, without pointing out to Jonathan what he should or should not have done, what he owes you, what mistakes he made, what efforts you made...just a simple message to say, I don't particularly enjoy the idea of bearing a grudge forever, let's talk about this. I doubt he could find enough reason within himself to ignore such a message. Whatever reasons he worked out for ignoring your previous emails, he will not have them now. You could both approach this clean of the little negative thoughts dragging you away from achieving an understanding...know what I mean?

I know there's a 'BUT!!!' climbing your typing fingers as you read. Don't heed it. Stop studying the tangles of the rope that doesn't bind you any longer. It's not always possible to forgive and forget but surprisingly, simple Peace is usually a superior goal to Justice.

Oh, I'd love to, Rodia, BUT (yes, and It's a big one), I probably will carry a grudge forever. I did as much apologizing and peacemaking as I was willing to do, and he basically ignored me. That's not something I can easily forgive. All it does is show me that Jonathan is the type of person that I don't ever want to talk to again.

I'm ok with that, though.

There's backing your friends at all costs when you think they're RIGHT, and then there's backing your friends at all costs when you know they're WRONG.

The first I respect, the second I do not.

Rodia wrote:

Stop studying the tangles of the rope that doesn't bind you any longer

Rodia, I absolutely LOVE that phrase! I am definitely filing it away for future use (both for others AND myself!). Thanks.

Quote:

I know there's a 'BUT!!!' climbing your typing fingers as you read.

I really like this one, too!

*files it away for future use*

Rodia the Wise wrote:

simple Peace is usually a superior goal to Justice.

And this one is a gem.

I quite like her avatar, really.

Rodia. Rodia. Lovely name.

Well said Rodia.

:cheers

halplm wrote:

I probably will carry a grudge forever.

You will probably get awfully tired after a while, my friend. Those grudges, they get heavier and more cumbersome as time goes on. And you have to expend energy to keep carrying them; energy that you could use to carry other things.

Best to put it down gently now. While you still can...

Oh it won't weigh on my mind in the least. It's THEIR problem, not mine. I still have a grudge against a certain well known school out West that's a good... 10 years old now.

What does it mean??? well, whenever I pick a bracket during March Madness... I pick them to lose.

While I agree with the general sentiments in praise of Rodia's wise words, I have take some slight exception to these words:

Quote:

simple Peace is usually a superior goal to Justice.

Sometimes Peace can't come without Justice. Martin Luther King did not settle for Peace. He insisted on Equal Rights and Justice. Mahatma Ghandi did not settle for Peace. He too insisted on Justice for his people. Nelson Mandela and Lech Walesa, too, just to name a few.

Just sayin'.

For hal the begrudged, from the divine Jane :

Quote:

“No,” said Darcy, “I have made no such pretension. I have faults enough, but they are not, I hope, of understanding. My temper I dare not vouch for. It is, I believe, too little yielding—certainly too little for the convenience of the world. I cannot forget the follies and vices of other so soon as I ought, nor their offenses against myself. My feelings are not puffed about with every attempt to move them. My temper would perhaps be called resentful. My good opinion once lost, is lost forever.”

“THAT is a failing indeed!” cried Elizabeth. “Implacable resentment IS a shade in a character. But you have chosen your fault well. I really cannot LAUGH at it. You are safe from me.”

Grudges can be cute 'n' cuddly companions for a while, but as they age they grow surly 'n' mean -- digging into your flesh with cruel claws and taking random bites from your scalp.

Unless, of course, you can domesticate them and train them to make you coffee in the morning.

Keep one at your own risk.

Oooh, good quote Ethel. Maybe I should have finished the rest of that darn book.

And of course, Darcy does change: for the sake of someone he loves, he provides vital assistance to his worst enemy; and a little later he swallows his pride when it matters even more (and when even the world might mock him for doing so).

I don't hold grudges lightly. Look at Iavas. If you had asked me a year ago if I would ever be on friendly terms with him, I would have said, no, never. He and I were so directly opposed on everything we discussed, and couldn't put ourselves in each others shoes to really even understand and communicate.

If I had left TORC then, I probably would have said the same about Iavas that I say now about Jonathan. I just wouldn't ever seek to talk to him. Fortunately, that's not the case and we came to a mutual understanding... and basically agreed never to talk about the movies again , although that could change at any moment...

Jonathan, on the other hand, has shown himself to be incapable of the communication necessary to accomplish anything with regards to a relationship with me. Indeed he seems to have made it clear that he wants no such relationship.

That, like the school that kept me out, is his problem. In the end I will have lost nothing, and indeed B77 is entirely preferable to TORC, just as the school I ended up at was entirely preferable to the other one. They are the ones who have lost because they excluded me.

I guess grudge might be the wrong word. Perhaps a mutual agreement of enmity. Not malicious (at least on my part), just somewhat disdainful.

*is glad conversation got off her subject, less glad that it turned to Jane Austen, quite dissappointed that hal is so adamant, but unable to blame him. is able to offer hugs.*

You see, though, it would be so simple for Jonathan to redeem himself in my eyes. I've just come to understand he's unwilling to take those necessary steps. There's nothing I can do about it. He's the one that has to live with that, not me.

Ah, but you can also take one extra step. No matter how much someone pushes you back, you can always reach out to them. The problem is the more he pushes you back the less you want to reach...that's a normal reaction. But it's not something you can't change.

Just sayin'. Whatever makes it easier for you is the right way, though, this is such a sticky situation, and you've done your best already.