A very long time ago, while I was still writing Tolkien parodies at TORC, I thought it might be interesting to write a portion of LOTR as an Elizabethan drama. Shakespeare being my favorite author to parody, I wondered how he might have approached the material. First, I decided to forget about Tolkien and imagine that the story was either actual history or actual mythology. With Tolkien out of the way I could do as I pleased, as Shakespeare would have done. So none of what follows (and not much follows!) has its counterpart in Tolkien's text. It's the last word in revisionism, as are Henry V and Julius Caesar.
One point: apart from the obvious comedy added by Sam (and of course the author's foolishness in putting his foot into such an enormous shoe) what follows isn't meant to be a joke. Rather, I've played it as straight as I am able. It's simply a little literary experiment.
The setting is the Council of Elrond, where a very cranky Boromir is making some condescending remarks about the future Ringbearer, and about hobbits in general. The "high" characters (Boromir and Gimli) speak in verse (proper iambic pentameter) while Sam (a "low" character) speaks in prose. Gandalf is of course a “highâ€